Life in Canada

Hi Friends!

My first blog since being back on Canadian soil has been a long time coming, but that time was necessary. Hopefully this will shed some light on the next steps that many of you have asked about and maybe give you a little look into what being back "home" has been like.

Re-entry, repatriation, adjustment, culture shock, etc, are all words that people throw around to give some sort of label to what this time is like. I found comfort in these words when I was still in the Philippines. Comfort in knowing that many had walked this road, often repeatedly, before me. I thought, if they can do it, so can I. I had prepared myself as much as I thought I could. I mean, how can you actually prepare for this? It's more like you know that the pain is coming, that it will be a bit crappy, and that life will go on. You can't pre-feel the pain, and the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't appear until you are actually walking through the tunnel. Now speaking from inside that tunnel, all I can say is it is so much MORE than I imagined. So much more pain, so much more confusion, so much more joy in some things, so much more everything. It's just MORE.

It is a strange thing stepping back into the country that felt like home for so long and feeling like a complete stranger. It is painful to get up every morning and feel like you have to fake it until you make it because the pain that you are experiencing isn't tangible. It is confusing to relearn cultural norms. It is hard to justify rest. It is hard to communicate about the past two years of my life because so much of it includes things that people are not generally interested in. It is challenging to deal with the pressure to just be ok. Ninety percent of my time in Canada has felt like I am walking through a cloud. I can keep up the act, be happy, be present, only to collapse when I am alone. It is difficult, it is painful, my heart often feels lost, and my head a mess. BUT, it is also so wonderful. The difficulties have also been met with so much goodness!! There is absolutely nothing like getting to hug my family again. Or hearing my niece every morning. Or being completely loved and blessed by amazing friends. I don't want to diminish those things at all. They have literally been a God-send.

Day by day things get a little bit better. I feel a little less like a fish out of water. I feel a little less like I am faking the smiles. And I feel a little bit more at home. I still miss my life in Tabuk a great deal. I miss my friends who became like family, I miss the clinic, I miss the heat (though I am loving the snow), I miss the food, I miss it all. The way my time there affected my life will continue to pour over into whatever I do next and I will always be thankful for that. I am forever changed (and this is a great blog to help explain that! It helped me a lot) by those amazing people, that culture, and the place that I found home.

So what's next, you ask? GOOD QUESTION! I have no idea. Actually, I have many ideas. I am just not yet sure which path to choose. All I can see at this point is the Philippines. Understandably so considering it was the last place I felt most at home. However, that doesn't mean that I am supposed to go back. Right now I am slowly but surely looking at the options of licensing in Canada after I write my board exam in the US. It is a program that takes about a year but is, of course, competitive to get into. At this point my focus is settling into the Soo, taking advantage of quality time with family and friends, working through this whole adjustment period, trying to stay involved in the birth culture as much as I can, and just finding some rest. Next steps will come in time.

I cannot thank you all enough for your support in the past two years. I would not be sitting here, on the other side of things, had it not been for the generosity and prayers of the people around me. I feel so incredibly blessed and grateful. You have permanently touched my life and I am thankful from the bottom of my heart.

Abundant, the clinic I worked and trained at, is a place that will always be so very dear to me and I was so blessed to see the impact that it has on the women of Tabuk and surrounding areas. Just because I am no longer there doesn't mean there isn't a way to still support the work being done there and even sponsor a birth! If you feel led to continue supporting this ministry, please go to www.gthemidwife.com and keep updated there. Any information about continued support can be found on that page.

My journey as a midwife (almost!) is really just starting so I will keep this blog open and will occasionally post updates, but for now, I'm gonna take a little break and just jump into life in Canada. Which, of course, means jumping into a couple inches of snow! :)

Much love and prayers to you all,
A

Bitter-Sweet

Hi All,

I had taken a bit of a break from this blog and stuck to newsletters for my final months in Tabuk, but this seems like the easiest form of update at the moment. Sorry about the back and forth : ) There are just too many ways to keep everyone in the loop, and so many guidelines and thoughts about what should remain private and what can be public.

The past weeks have been filled with organizing, packing, graduating, and oh so many tears. On Oct 2, the Wiebe's and I said goodbye to our Tabuk home and the people we love so dearly. That was one of the saddest days regardless of the fact that I knew it was coming and hoped I could be "prepared". Prepared, I was not. I was not ready for what it would feel like to drive away from the clinic, having left my heart behind. I wasn't ready for these past couple days of feeling as though I am wandering aimlessly, without purpose or plan. I wasn't ready to feel as though I have left my entire self in the place that was my home these past two years. There are so many emotions. So many thoughts. I fight the urge to get back on the night bus and say "forget it Canada!", but I know that isn't the right move ;) Regardless of the pain of leaving, I still feel such peace from the Lord that this is what I have to be doing right now. Regardless of how much I want to be with my Tabuk family, I am still very excited to hug my Canadian family! What a blessing it is to know and love people that are hard to leave and easy to miss.

Prayer Requests:

• Edolbina currently has a migraine and we are scheduled on a flight this evening. Prayer that it would be gone quickly would be so appreciated. 
• Safe travel for the Wiebe's and I. 
• Grace, comfort, and ease as we transition into life in our Canadian homes. 
• Provision of travel expenses as well as the board exam fee which will need to be paid very quickly after getting home. 

Pictures are worth a thousand words, right? Since the more words I say, the more the tears flow, for now I will just leave you with a couple pictures from the last weeks.
Thank you to everyone for all the love and support in these past two years. I will write a better update once I am home.

Much love!

A

Going to miss adventures with these three beauties! 

Loved my last newborn snuggles...

GRAD! We did it! 

Love this girl!

One of our last mornings enjoying the terrace

A last picture, right before we left

Ari misses his Tita's!

Love this crew!

Bina and I are slowly finding our Canadian roots... in Manila

I'm slacking...

Hi Friends,

It has been many weeks since I have written any sort of update. Ooops! The past couple months have been filled not just with everyday stuff, but also with beginning to tie up loose ends of different assignments here and there. It's now at the point where it's hard to ignore the fact that my time here will come to an end... much sooner than I want. In the same breath, it is exciting to see how everything is coming together and to look ahead to hugging my family and some colder weather ; )

The last 6 weeks...
As I mentioned previously, my dear friend Lee was here visiting and interning at the clinic for the month of April. It was so wonderful to have her around and to have the chance to work together. We miss her lovely smiling face in the clinic and all wish she could have stayed for longer. The clinic has been getting busier again, for which we are very thankful! It's definitely an answer to prayer.


This past Monday we celebrated the wedding of one of the Abundant staff. I was honored to stand as a bridesmaid and had so much fun getting all dressed up with the girls - not something we do around here much!








And then there have been some cute babies to keep me busy as well... Sadly I only have pictures of two of them so far! More to come of the others.
















Decisions Decisions
Since the new year I have been spending lots of time thinking and praying about what comes next. I had been considering the option of staying in Tabuk  for another 6 months, coming home, or possibly heading somewhere else for awhile. It is so difficult to think about leaving this place that has become my home and stepping into another unknown season. But I will make that step in faith. I've decided that I'll come back to Canada and enjoy my home there for a little while - Sault Ste Marie to be exact - my hometown. I'm excited to be going back to a place that I love so much and where I know I can find some peace and rest as I work towards whatever is next.

People keep asking "so you're going to come back and be a midwife??"... well, no. I will not yet be licensed to practice in Canada and therefore will take a little break from the world of moms and babies. Hopefully just a little break as I find a way that I can still be involved but not practicing. I'm so nervous to come back and not be doing what I do every day here, but I trust that God will provide work in the meantime that will still challenge me and help me to grow in different areas. As for when I will be a midwife in Canada... I can't answer that yet and don't want too. There are many options to choose from, such as pursuing midwifery in Canada through a bridging program, moving into the states to work as a CPM (certified professional midwife), or again spending time overseas. Each option has it's appeal, but I am not tied to any specific one yet. I simply want to enjoy some time in Canada with my family and friends before jumping into the next thing.


Prayer Requests
If you feel that you'd like to join me in prayer, here are a few things you can keep in mind:

• Baby MJ - we are currently working to get MJ nice and healthy so that he can have surgery on his cleft palate by the beginning of June. He is having a mild case of pneumonia due to microaispirations when eating - this is very common with serious clefts. Please be praying that his body would be healed in the next week and that they would be able to go ahead with surgery soon. Also - if you would like to donate towards helping MJ's family with the costs of travel etc for this surgery, please click the PayPal link on the side and specify MJ when sending. Any bit can help!
• As Edolbina and I get closer to the end of our time here, it can be hard to stay focused on the present. We would love prayer for us to not feel like we have one foot out the door, but instead that we can stay fully engaged and committed to what is in front of us at this time. We certainly are not eager for our time to end, but still struggle with remembering to stay present. 

Thanks for reading! I'll try to include stories in the next blog so it's a bit more exciting ;) 

Much love to you all!

A

Good News!

It's time for a quick blog update, I'm thinking! I'm not exactly sure where the month of March went...? If someone could grab it and bring it back, I'd be grateful. Thanks. While the clinic has been slow, life has still be relatively packed and there is one specific story I think you may all enjoy...

but FIRST - Happy Easter!!

He Is Risen! He Is Risen Indeed!

It has been a wonderful Easter Sunday starting with a pancake breakfast with friends and some time to reflect on the resurrection of Christ and the freedom that that brings for us. The Easter story can be told over and over and over, yet the wonder is never lost. The grave could not hold him. He defeated death. Nothing is too big for our God. Gosh, how much would change if we really walked in that truth?

More good news!

Back in May of 2014, I had the joy of helping Mae Dianne make her appearance into extra-uterine life. She was born with a cleft lip. Thankfully, she had few troubles breastfeeding and has grown to be quite the healthy little girl. We have been in contact with her mom over the past months in hopes of arranging for Mae Dianne to have surgery. Last week, we went to visit the family at home to check in on things and arrived to see this:

See that little scar? This little beauty is healing from surgery that was done on March 7th. We are so thankful to see that she is doing well and that her family was very motivated to get this done for her. She will need on more surgery that they hope will be done in June or July. She is thriving, smiley, and such fun to be around.

These moments bring indescribable joy to my life. If anyone tells you that midwifery is all about catching babies, please tell them they are so very wrong. That is such a small part of things. Midwifery is about relationships. It's about empowering women. It's about transformation. It's about community. It's real, it's raw, it's hard, and it is so very beautiful.

But then there are also some real, raw, hard, but NOT so beautiful moments... such as:

The adventure of donating blood. I picked a tame, blood-free picture for you all. Truly an adventure, as is anything in this place it seems. Thankfully, Bina was up for the adventure and so we made our way to the hospital, armed with our own sanitizer, to donate some blood for one of Bina's patients. It seems that Bina and I have a habit of getting poked together now. We learned IV's on each other, so why not let them "bleed" us together. After this experience, I can honestly say that I have never had SO much fun donating blood. When people say "it's more fun in the Philippines", I promise you that is not just a slogan. IT REALLY IS!

In other news:
A dear midwife friend of mine, Lee, is visiting for the month of April. It is so great to have someone from home come and experience the life that I love here. I have wanted so much to share it, and now I can. Plus, we get to do the whole midwife thing together! So fun. Next week we will head up to Bugnay for a couple days and then the rest of the time will be spent around the clinic here. Prayer for a busy month at the clinic would be so appreciated!

This is a bit of a shorter update, but the beautiful rainy evening and a cup of tea is distracting me. Time to go enjoy that :)

Much love from this side of the world,
A

Some quick thoughts, should you care to step into my brain for a moment :)

It's almost March, my friends, almost MARCH! Yikes. For those of you so sick of the snow, this is excellent news. One step closer to summer. For us here, it means the start of our summer. And it's starting with the snap of a finger. One day cold, the next day a balmy, wonderful 33 degrees. I couldn't be happier. While I love the cold in Canada, my body does not seem to handle it well here and I spend months in what feels like an allergy coma some days. I am thrilled to be feeling better and not needing meds to get through the day!

This month has gone by like all the ones before it... fast! It's been a slower month at the clinic, but a productive time for the necessary things like assignments and such. There are good days and bad days, as with anywhere, but generally my days are filled with laughter and contentment. Bina (my classmate) and her family took a week off to do some traveling around the area this month. While they were gone, they graciously allowed me to stay in their house. I love my quiet time, my own space, and my place to breathe so I was really looking forward to this. A house to myself! I did not realize that I would be entirely lonely waking up in the morning to silence instead of the regular noises of the clinic. Or going to sleep at night and not hearing the usual laughter while the girls watch TV. I lasted two nights on my own before decided I much preferred my home at the clinic. My, how things have changed.. and I wouldn't trade it for anything :)

I want to take a few minutes to say thank you to everyone who generously supported me in my last months here. It was so amazing to see things come through again, in ways I never expected. I am humbled and so grateful. You are the reason I can be here, and you are a huge part of helping this clinic to function. God is so good. Even if I doubt, or my faith waivers, he does not.

To finish - while this may seem like a ridiculous thing considering the many forms of social networking already being used, I have decided that I am going to write a newsletter as well. Now before you start thinking I am crazy, let me explain. It has often come up that I have prayer requests or things to share that I don't feel comfortable putting on such an open space like a blog - for that reason, I would like a better way to update the people who really want to know those things. I will still blog, but it will more be the thoughts, stories, and ideas that I feel more open or led to share. If you would like to subscribe to the newsletter, you can click THIS link.

That's it for now!
Till next time...

A

Two days!!

Well, my lovely friends, it's two days (or I guess three depending on where in the world you are) until February 1st - the due date for my LAST payment of clinic fees. I am currently $2,640 away from meeting the goal and it's down to the wire! In my experience, it always gets down to the wire, but it also always comes through somehow. I'm excited to see it all come into place... hopefully very soon :)

You may think I get sick of writing these financial updates or plea's for support, and to be honest, sometimes I do. It's a hard, humbling journey with fundraising. However, I NEVER get sick of seeing how God provides and being able to share that with you all! I also never get sick of talking about the clinic and WHY I believe in supporting the work being done here.



Sweet little Jerrika

Every day that I live here I get to see your support put into action. It is seen through every pre-natal visit we do, every birth that happens here, every post-partum visit, and every well-baby seminar following that. The women are welcomed, supported, loved on, and shown the love of Christ, all the while receiving excellent midwifery care. And when I say excellent, I mean it. I have the immense privilege of being taught and trained by some of the most gifted midwives I have ever met. These women love God, and they love these women. Day after day they pour their hearts out to care for the patients of Abundant. I am constantly humbled and amazed at who they each are. Not to mention the fact that they are all hilarious and make living here a complete joy!

Chad Beau

When I ask for support, I don't simply ask for me. I ask for the place that has captured by heart in the past year and a half. I ask because I believe in the importance of the work being done here at the clinic. I ask because I see the huge benefit of, and NEED for the clinic to be here to serve the women of Tabuk.

The first Well-Baby Seminar of 2015!

Will you consider being a part of supporting this clinic? When I say I need $2,640 more in clinic fees, it's cause that's what the $$'s really are for. It goes to help support the clinic I call home. If you have ANY questions at all about how to support (click the PayPal link), why to support, or the best way to support (monthly or one-time) please let me know! As I always say, every thing matters... whether $20 or $2,000, it all goes to support this amazing clinic.

Huddled for warmth at the Church Anniversary
party in the village of Pakak

Thanks for reading :)

Much love,
A

January birthday girls - celebrating
together for the last time :(

One Week!

One week to go till my LAST portion of clinic fees are due and only $2,740 to go!

While it usually gets to a point where I feel really antsy and doubtful, there is something so different about this year. I know I have talked about it already, but this "deadline" shall we say, really does not scare me like the other ones did. Maybe it's because I have so many moments of God's faithfulness to look back on, or maybe it's because, with His help, I've been able to change my perspective this time around. All I know if that I feel such freedom in knowing that things are going to work out just fine!

Yes, there is still just under $3,000 to raise in one week.

Yes, the Canadian dollar is HORRID right now resulting in a very unwelcome increase in dues.

Yes, it seems like a lot. And it seems impossible.

Last time I checked, God specializes in impossible.

If ONLY 60 people supported with $50, my goal would be met.

So with that, would you please be praying with me that:

• The fees are provided for in full, in time. 
• The exchange rate changes, even just a little bit, in favour of the Canadian dollar. 
• That my computer gets fixed :)
• For health over everyone in the clinic. We have all been a bit under the weather, and I currently have a sinus infection. Health for us all is needed. 

If you have any interest in financially supporting the work being done here, you can just click the PayPal link to the side. Or contact me if you have any questions :) 

$20 or $2,000, there is no big and small. It all makes a difference! As does monthly support!

If you know of anyone who you think would have an interest in partnering with me, please pass this along!

Much love,

A

Life with these girls is NEVER boring!